Today was so good! The only thing that sucked was not bein able to talk to everyone in length. You know how you can't get caught up and hear all the stories with one person cuz there's just so many other ppl to listen to? And you can't have them repeat the same stuff they just told the person next to you over and over cuz you were havin a convo with someone else. But it was wicked to see the out-of-towners. And I still can't believe J's movin to Texas. And Jay is actually in Windsor, not London. So we'll take a trip out to see them both someday. Probably Jay sooner cuz it's obviously a lot closer and cheaper :P And the outlet shopping in Windor and Detroit, haha. After lunch we went for bubble tea and talked about everythin...from old hs times to plans for the future to the whole situation with Shy, haha.

"Ppl...it's 'all intents and purposes', not all intensive purposes." LOL Oh man, I love them all.

Everybody's home for Thanksgiving weekend. Fish's sister is home and got her surgery done on Thurs. It's lookin good so I'm def glad to hear that. I think Cat and Kim wanna hit a club tonight...if not, me and Meen and her crew are gonna.

My mom's on the list of potential jurors. She might get picked for jury duty. That's funny...well not hilarious funny but you know.

And the Jay date thing...omg I don't think I'm literally able to tell a story if it has to with some guy without it bein complicated and lengthy. I'll post about last night soon.

Ah Sat. It's been pretty awesome so far. Except my neck and shoulder totally hurt. Not from what you think :P I think I slept wrong or it was the weird way I took off my jacket while drivin. Anyway.

I'm home from goin out with Jay. We saw Taxi. There was a park involved. I have no comments for this right now, haha. Maybe later.

The lunch is tomorrow! Jay (the other one, my old friend), Jason, Chris, Fish, Pris, Al, Meen...it'll be some good times. Ooh, I should bring my camera, who knows the next time we'll all be together like this? Never :P All them in Texas and Japan and London, geez. WTF is that? Kiddin.

Oh man, I don't wanna get up tho...noon is too early to be eating, haha. Pris emailed that she'd pick us up at 10:15 tho...dunno what that's about...unless she's insane, if she thinks I'll be up at that time.

I just broke my necklace :( Awwww!! I was on the phone with L (who's sleepin on the floor right now...I dunno why...and her floor, not mine) and I was half fidgeting with it, half tryin to get it loose and out from under my shirt when the chain just came apart. I really wasn't even pullin it hard at all. I scourged for it on the floor, tryin to find a piece in the carpet. The chain is a buncha tiny lil square links so lookin for it like that is worse than lookin for a lost contact. And what I don't get it how it broke cuz the ends of the chain are intact. Unless a whole square got obliterated. Fuckin hell. I feel so naked without it on. I never take it off.

I used to wear this lil 8 ball pendant (yeah, obsessed) in hs and I got all sad when it fell off and I lost it. I went a while without wearin anythin around my neck and it just felt weird. Then I bought this one (it's a silver pendant thingy with a square of my birthstone) and all was good. Someone buy me an early bday present!

Maybe Jay will find somethin in Europe, hahaha. He wants to do somethin tomorrow so I'll be callin him then. Uh oh...it's a date :P L's like, fine, call it an outing. Hahaha...I'm like, an outing? Who says that? If we were goin fox hunting, maybe...THAT'S an outing :P

Outta class early, yay! Yes, gettin home at 10:30 is EARLY. Where there's an up, there's a down. I might've been let out sooner than usual but I also burst my bladder tonight :P I guess that Pepsi took my liquid intake max over but I was tryin to hold it cuz we had another guest filmmaker today and he was doin Q&A, and it's a bitch to walk past ppl cuz it's lecture. You hafta make everyone you're tryin to get past move or get up and sometimes you just might trip. I probably peed for a good 20 secs, hahaha. I'm not kiddin...and I wasn't counting either. Just sayin.

So there's other good and bad news. I didn't go early to school today cuz I found out last night that there indeed isn't even an Independent Study for 6 credits for 1 semester, only 3 for fall/winter or 6 for the yr. Good cuz that means I don't hafta deal with this shit til next semester. Bad cuz that means I WILL hafta deal with it next semester plus do that other 3 credit theory class...plus I won't graduate til the end of the school yr in April. A whole 'nother yr! Holy shit.

My upstairs computer is bein weird...or maybe it's the server on just that one. Outta nowhere, it now highlights random words and phrases and links them to pages. Like "just talk" took you to some cell phone site. WTF?? Of course somethin's wrong with it. My email works so now it's doin that...it's always one thing or another!

Shy didn't end up goin shoppin but did leave me a long msg on the machine and 3 emails about this lil plan bein cancelled cuz she forgot she had an appointment :P She actually said, "If you have any questions or anythin, then you can call me at...." 1st of all, who talks like that??? Questions? What is this, a comment hotline? And 2nd, I've only known her for, oh...over 10 yrs, I think I know the number by now! She's so weird.

Anyway, I chose to go out and do somethin with Alice rather than Jay, hahaha. Whatever. Don't judge me or my reasons :P He's goin to Euro-trip for 2 weeks on Sun so I'm sure I'll talk to him/hang with him before then. Al was hilarious today. Not only did she tell stories that made me laugh til I almost couldn't breathe but she was sleep-deprived from a 21 hr shoot last night/this morning and she was the closest thing to high as you can get without actual drugs.

I hafta go to school early tomorrow. Not just to beat the damn traffic when I usually leave for class, but to get that Independent Study bs dealt with. OH GOD I hate this crap.

Well I've had these contacts in since 3 pm so they need to be taken out. And I should be goin to bed. Or somethin.

I can't handle these random, out-there calls from Shy anymore. I love her but she's...a mental and emotional handful, haha. And I don't want to go shoppin at Chapters tomorrow...nor do I want to get into a car with her while she's drivin :P

L hung out at my place for a while to burn music and harass 16 yr old boys online, hahaha (My brother's friend)...."Severely freaked out." LOL Then we hit Timmy's where a girl held the door open for me, which was nice! I don't think I've ever had that happen. I do it but I'm just a rare gem, haha.

I left a msg this time with Jay. Outta my hands! :P Oh, I keep forgettin to call Brian. Meh to long distance callin.

I think I'm gonna go to bed early today. And by early I mean 1:30-ish.

Wonderfalls is back on Vision TV, what! I didn't even know we had that channel...I was like, what the hell's Vision TV? Religious channel turns out :P I love that show. And now I get to see all the eppies :)

Anyhoo, I called Jay but his phone was off so that buys me another day, haha. At least he didn't call me again. Neediness is unattractive.
I was thinkin of goin for a smoke and a drive to the bank to deposit my GST cheque that I got today (ohhhhh yessssss, thank you) but I figure it's kinda late. Even tho, I'd just be at the drive-thru ATM so the time wouldn't matter anyway...but I'll just step out for a smoke. 1st in weeks, OK?

I can publish long posts again so...Jay is really into me and I can't handle it, haha! I posted a while back about my personal thing on guys and dating and bein single, etc, and the whole more than friends situation just keeps replayin. I can't DO IT!! It's so hard to tell someone you don't feel them that way!

Fri we didn't end up clubbin cuz G had some shit to deal with so me and L were gonna do somethin. We ended up goin to Fox & Fiddle...had the pub fare, danced it up. Fun stuff but it was gettin a lil too crazy in there so we bounced around 1:30. Oh and I saw some of Alan's friends there, the same guys we met, haha. That woulda been a weird and potentially awkward experience, if they had bumped into me. I had called Jay before we left for the bar and left a msg. He said he wanted to do somethin with me over the weekend and never would he pass up a chance, I'm tellin you. He calls me 4 hrs later when we're in the parkin lot about to go home (he had just gotten off army work and was at a bar downtown with his friends) and was like, yeah come down and meet up with us. I'm like, no you called too late so we're goin home :P

Sat he wants to hang out again. His buddies were goin to Milwaukee's but L wanted to stay in the area and whatever so Jay was gonna do what I was gonna do regardless. Here I hafta say 2 things: 1)It's a good thing when a guy respects that you have other friends and they came along first and you wanting to kick it with both him and other ppl is cool. 2)It's not a good thing when you call a person too much...AKA every day and you're not even together. I'm just sayin, at this point. Me and L decided to go to D&B's, and Jay was gonna meet up. We played a buncha games, won some tickets, browsed some prizes. I'm up to 3100 points, haha...crazy. Then we hit BP for food. This is the night were things DEFINITELY became clear where Jay wanted to go with this :P Nothing like mackin but it was more than just hinting, trust that. So I'm like, oh god! Not this again. Honestly, I'd wanna hang out with him, he's a nice guy and he's fun and good lookin and all that, I have no problem with these things at all...but I'd just wanna go out and do things together in a non bf-gf way. Friends! Guys can be friends with girls and girls can have guy friends, it's nuthin new. And really, I'd have nuthin to say against messin around but not meanin that we're together the next day. Cuz I just might not call you every day after that. I won't hound you cuz I think we had somethin more and you owe me your time. I won't be bothered that you make out with someone else right the week after. I will be lookin at other ppl. I won't be with someone exclusively. I will most likely be a terrible gf down the road. It sounds bad but in my own context, it's the truth.

So L gets a call and she leaves to talk for a bit and me and Jay are sittin there next to eachother in the booth. He goes, can I ask you somethin? To me, those words are the equivalent to the classic "We have to talk," except we're not even dating, let alone fightin. So I was kinda dreading what he was gonna say next. "When can I take you out on a date?" I totally wussed out and tried to play around it. I was honestly stunned on what to say so I was talkin nonsense to avoid directly answerin the question. What I SHOULD have told him was all that previous stuff I wrote. There's absolutely nothing wrong with him, it really is me. So old and so cheese and so cop out-ish I know! But that's the real. And I couldn't say it. The words were there in my throat but it wasn't happenin. I felt like I was gonna hurt his feelings. Maybe it's arrogant of me to assume that it'll let him down but. I know, it's probably worse to NOT tell him, esp since he's gonna still be callin me and I let this thing keep goin. But then it's bad to say this kinda thing over the phone, isn't it? Cuz if I do it to his face, that means we'll hafta go out and do somethin together again and that's draggin it on, right? OK fine, I may have brought this on myself, whatever.

He was holdin my hand and gettin close and touchy-feely, that's fine, yeah yeah...obviously not friend territory but I couldn't be like, don't touch me. I don't MIND that. I didn't mind the bear hug goodbye in the parkin lot. It's what it all MEANS. Actually, what it all might mean to HIM. OK I need to shut up about this and just talk to the guy!

New topic! Watched the Blue Jays' last game of the season (it was packed today!), dropped my sister off in the Mercedes (the other car was gone and I've never driven the 'Cedes...I want it now! The acceleration's so much better! Haha), chilled with L and G at Timmy's (pictures, yay). I'd normally be out right now and I could be but...I'm a big ____ and I don't wanna call Jay back or do somethin with him. Eeps.