The Leafs are KILLIN the Sens, I love it! :D

Obviously I'm not doin my essay right now...I'll come up with a topic soon, don'tcha worry ;) Whateva, yo...my fillm essay didn't even have a conclusion, hahaha. It's gonna be allllllriiiiight.

I'm just takin this time to say...holyyyyy crap. Another essay done tho! 1 more to go! And I'm fantasizin how much I wanna do aboslutely jack today instead of workin on that last one. I still hafta come up with a TOPIC, haha! Ugh, I'm gettin my ass kicked. Too late nights, too early mornings...and all my fault, I know but still. I got this essay submitted late too, haha...but it's technically not cuz I said my computer fucked up and it was only half an hr past the deadline...and my TA accepted it anyway! :P

So I'm up typin away and the phone rings. It's my aunt and she's been in an accident (she's fine). Of all times...and I realized, if it was more serious, then what would I say about my essay? 'I waited til a couple hrs til deadline...but then I had a family emergency!' Oh man, it woulda been hell. Good thing I was up tho, cuz everybody else was still sleepin and knowin this group, nobody woulda picked up the phone. What're the odds?

Ah I don't care, I'm stayin in and workin with what I have today...I'll go to the library tomorrow. I just wanna go back to bed right now! :P But my tummy's makin skerrrrry noises so I'm gonna jet.

Damn, I was still at school about when I woulda been done outta class on a normal Thurs night. And I didn't even go to class. Who would, really? Last class, when the final essay is due in 4 days...and it's open topic!

So I'm kinda tired and I'm gonna head to bed soon then start up that bad boy film essay...now due in one and a HALF days, haha...but it's been a shit these past few days practically livin at school in the LIBRARY. God I hate when all this multi-assignment crunch goes down. I won't be sleepin much and stressin for about 4 more straight days...and then nothing. Geez.

Yesterday...TTC'ing it downtown (I missed my stop at King, I'm such a loser...I sat there zoned, starin at the wall with the bigass word KING on it thinkin I needed Queen for some reason and by the time the doors closed, I was like shit, wait a minute), then walkin BLOCKS in the frickin RAIN to get to the theatre to pick up my press materials. The publicity woman I emailed about it for didn't get back to me and I was kinda worried cuz I had my shit due the next day and I didn't wanna seem like a pesty bitch. So I called her and she did know who I was and she was just busy and stuff...but she'd have my stuff in a couple hrs. I said that was cool cuz I'd probably be there by then cuz I'd hafta subway it. So the damn transit took forever and it was gettin to 5:00. When I got there, the doors were locked and I'm like, oh fuck...no way. Don't even tell me I came all the way just to go home with nuthin. I could come back the next morning but she said at 9 or somethin and well...hell no. Esp since I still had work to do gettin those books done and droppin them off. I walked around to the side where the stage door is and there were a couple women havin a smoke. Thank god for smokers! They worked there and went to see if the publicity woman was still there. She just left but 1 of them found the stuff for me in her office or whatever. Thank you!

Before I hopped back on the subway, I called the playwright I'm doin for this semester's book (who I won't name) on my cell to see if he had any stuff I could use at his production company office since I was already downtown. OK I know it's last min (I'll admit I don't like doin these things and if it was any time to ask, it shoulda been a long time ago but hey), didn't hurt to try. Wow...this guy coulda been nicer. It wasn't like he was an ass but he was in no way friendly. Thanks G...glad to be doin a project on ya.

"Hello?"
"Hi, is this so and so theatre productions?"
"Yes."
"And your office is at so and so Bloor West?"
"Yes."
"Well I was wonderin if you had any press materials at your office..."
"What?"
"If you had any press materials at your office?"
"What?"
"Press material."
I dunno what he said after that...somethin about not hearin me or not understandin.
"If I had any what?"
"I'm doin a research project and I was wonderin if you had anythin at your office, like promotional stuff?"
"No, I don't."
"Oh OK."
"If you write me a letter, I can send you some stuff."
"Oh OK, thank you."

He said 'what?' like he was in a BAD ass mood AND he was in a rush or somethin. He sounded like he's 1 of those fathers who you're kinda scared of, know what I mean? I'm sure he's a nice man in person or whatever but the guy was answerin me like I was 12. Like I'm supposed to know I called the right person...coulda announced it when you picked up the phone...like a regular business. A person could call the wrong number and keep talkin to ya and not even know it, ya know? Maybe it was my phone breakin up (the reception was full and it was fine on my end) or cuz I was outside (I went in a glass bus shelter tho...cut the noise to a minimum)? Dunno, but I don't think so. Ah well. End of that biz.

I got those bitchass archive books in today. That was fun, luggin around not 1 but 2 phone book-sized projects. Wed night I was printin shit for like 4 hrs and organizin and puttin papers in plastic covers til 4 am. Went to bed around 5, got up at 10 somethin. I'm surprisingly thankful for instant coffee. Finished the books up then went to school. My prof said to drop them off but if she wasn't in her office, to give them to her assistants. She wasn't around and then I was freakin cuz I couldn't find any of the other ppl...no one was in the rooms they were supposed to be in, dammit! But I eventually found someone to take them for me. I was like, don't tell me it's a repeat of this...havin my work in late when it actually wasn't. She didn't say what time! :P Oh well, outta my hands...I've got nuthin to do with them anymore! Haha.

So after that, I hit the library to do research for my online film essay. Since I didn't buy the course kit or do any of the readings, I thought I should :P It's in reserves for 2 hr blocks and when I went to get it, it was already out and the lady said I'd hafta come back in 2 hrs. Fuckin hell! So I didn't have much to do til then. I was gonna call L or somethin to pass the time but I figured I should try to find somethin productive to do. So I went over my old film essay for some ideas, highlighted, checked my email, looked up some more research resources (even tho actually findin them in the stacks and lookin thru all those books would take forever and a day). I even got my discussion posts done :) No more of those!

I got the course kit (oh man, this thing musta gone thru the yrs cuz it was all busted up with pages fallin off and rubber bands around it at the sides and the top and bottom :P) and it just so happened that the readings I needed were the longest ones in the history of mankind. Before I thought I could just go photocopy what I needed but no, this article was like 50 pages long, front and back, tiny print! Motherfucker! So I wasn't gonna pay for that esp since I didn't even know if I needed all those. So I had to sit there for 2 hrs skimmin as best I could and takin notes. And I hadn't eaten a thing since before noon and it's goin on 9 hrs, so my stomach was HURTIN but I was like, dammit can't go anywhere...gotta finish this crap! And I only had those 2 hrs.

And this blog turned out super long. Ohhh this madness'll all be over with come Mon! L8r

Alright...I'm OK now! I dunno what it is lately. March was not a fun month. And the not til after the 1st week of April is it gonna get any better. God, I can't believe I woulda normally been graduatin around this time...had I gotten all my credits done by this semster :P But I will have hopefully by the summer's end. It's kinda scary now that I think about it. I've had my absolutely last classes of university last week. My dad would prefer me to go back to school and do a master's or somethin rather than takin the yr to work. I'm like, well hmm....he's payin, doesn't sound too bad...but then I was like, hell no...I know what it's like to do all those dreaded essays and shit and I thought what the hell would I be doin goin back for more of this?? Not only do I hate the idea of writin theses, I suck at it. Plus, the masters programs offered are pretty much stuff I'm not into and way outta my league like sociology and history and such. So that's not happenin at all. I was thinkin more of goin to college. I know, it's kinda backwards but lotsa ppl do it and hey, if I was goin for more schoolin, it'd be smart to get into the practical after gettin a degree in theory. But oh god, I don't even wanna think about the competition of wannabe filmmakers and tech-geeks. Esp since I'll probably hafta apply along with a new crop of hs grads wantin to get into the same program :P And they'd probably have better grades than me, ha!

So went to the library today and spent almost 4 hrs sittin at a computer and researchin periodicals. My ass hurt. All the books I woulda needed were checked out or turned out useless. Holy crap, I have no motivation to do this stuff! I gotta get my ass in gear with these damn essays! I keep remindin myself that these are the last assignments I'll hafta do and then I can enjoy myself but geez, it's hard. But at least I found out that the deadline for sendin in our online essays was bumped to Sat at noon...19 extra hrs, woo!

I came home not too long after my sister and I was in the kitchen gettin somethin to eat and she comes in wailin about how she needed somethin to drink and proceeded to hunt the fridge. "Sooooo thirsty! Water! Ooh, juice box! I need some electrolytes!" I'm like, what the hell's wrong with you? She goes on about how she's been up since 6 and took the bus home. I'm like, well awww...so did I. She's like, well I was in high heels. I say, well who told you to wear high heels? She says somethin about how you had to at work. And then she continues to wail and moan about how she's sick or somethin cuz she didn't eat anythin all day and she had wine for dinner, haha. What a jackass. I'm like, are you gonna PASS OUT? Just eat somethin! She goes in the TV room and I hear her feebly callin for me. I know her lazy ass wants me to get somethin for her. She wants the fluffy big pink pillow from the living room. If you saw what she looked like (she had a towel wrapped around her head for crap's sake), it was pretty sad. I decided to capitalize on me bein nice and gettin her the pillow so I said I wanted to watch 24 on TV. Haha, got my way. But only cuz there was "nothing else on". Then I saw her eyes and they were RED so I was like oh god, grossss! So that got her kinda self-conscious...like, are they really that red?? Hahaha. I'm like, seriously wtf's wrong with you? Do you need a doctor? LOL "I doooooo, man!" I'm like, you're WASTED! Hahaha! Good times.

I was gonna go to school cuz I wanted to hit the library but meh! I know I have those serious big essays due in less than a week but really, I don't think I'm in the mood to do hw! I'll probably go tomorrow anyway.

So they found that missin girl Cecilia's body. That's really sad. So much tragedy. She was just a kid. It's disgusting. I hate readin this shit in the paper all the time...who are these ppl who kidnap and torture and murder ppl? children?? I just don't understand it.

Geez. I think it's not hurtin as much now tho...it's not as distressing. All weekend I'd think about that moment when I hugged Chris' mom at the funeral when we lined up for the viewing and I'd grimace every time cuz I see her face, the tears and the pain, and it just breaks my heart. *SIGH*

I'm not a religious person at all. I'd consider myself pretty much agnostic or even atheist, I really don't know. But I will admit this, readin those Christian (I don't even know what they're called...I'm that clueless about religion...those bibilical I guess) passages at the funeral, I was comforted. I wasn't sure they were true cuz I have all my doubts about God or a higher power (I just don't really believe, you know?) but I saw that it was about faith and havin these words to relieve your pain and sorrow, I realized what faith was all about. This is turnin into a super deep religious discussion but here we go anyway. In a time like this, I supppose it's important to put your faith in somethin. If somethin so life-changin and emotional like death is possible, then I guess you could only believe in somethin just as big and powerful as God. If all you have are questions, it's simple enough to look to that as the answer. If I was seriously lookin into Christianity or whatever, I'd be the most annoying person ever! I'd ask all these practical questions and the priest or whoever would be like, it's not that cut and dry...you just believe! :P

But there was somethin that Chris said in her eulogy...she was talkin about how her dad made her go to a special arts school away from everyone else when she was younger and she didn't wanna go but she now realized that it was for the best. It's these things that you don't necessarily wanna do, but in the end you know it's what's right. And just then I was thinkin about why these things happen in life...death...goin to funerals...these things that hurt. It's stuff that needs to happen I guess. That whole thing about how you can't know what good is if you don't know what bad is. And I suppose it makes you stronger. I was thinkin about why I was there that day. I knew it was gonna be sad, I knew I was gonna see pain...but I had to be there, for Chris. And I've realized a lot. So I'm like half glad, half regretful that I went, know what I mean? Anyway. That was my whole rant on that subject.