I was gonna go to school cuz I wanted to hit the library but meh! I know I have those serious big essays due in less than a week but really, I don't think I'm in the mood to do hw! I'll probably go tomorrow anyway.

So they found that missin girl Cecilia's body. That's really sad. So much tragedy. She was just a kid. It's disgusting. I hate readin this shit in the paper all the time...who are these ppl who kidnap and torture and murder ppl? children?? I just don't understand it.

Geez. I think it's not hurtin as much now tho...it's not as distressing. All weekend I'd think about that moment when I hugged Chris' mom at the funeral when we lined up for the viewing and I'd grimace every time cuz I see her face, the tears and the pain, and it just breaks my heart. *SIGH*

I'm not a religious person at all. I'd consider myself pretty much agnostic or even atheist, I really don't know. But I will admit this, readin those Christian (I don't even know what they're called...I'm that clueless about religion...those bibilical I guess) passages at the funeral, I was comforted. I wasn't sure they were true cuz I have all my doubts about God or a higher power (I just don't really believe, you know?) but I saw that it was about faith and havin these words to relieve your pain and sorrow, I realized what faith was all about. This is turnin into a super deep religious discussion but here we go anyway. In a time like this, I supppose it's important to put your faith in somethin. If somethin so life-changin and emotional like death is possible, then I guess you could only believe in somethin just as big and powerful as God. If all you have are questions, it's simple enough to look to that as the answer. If I was seriously lookin into Christianity or whatever, I'd be the most annoying person ever! I'd ask all these practical questions and the priest or whoever would be like, it's not that cut and dry...you just believe! :P

But there was somethin that Chris said in her eulogy...she was talkin about how her dad made her go to a special arts school away from everyone else when she was younger and she didn't wanna go but she now realized that it was for the best. It's these things that you don't necessarily wanna do, but in the end you know it's what's right. And just then I was thinkin about why these things happen in life...death...goin to funerals...these things that hurt. It's stuff that needs to happen I guess. That whole thing about how you can't know what good is if you don't know what bad is. And I suppose it makes you stronger. I was thinkin about why I was there that day. I knew it was gonna be sad, I knew I was gonna see pain...but I had to be there, for Chris. And I've realized a lot. So I'm like half glad, half regretful that I went, know what I mean? Anyway. That was my whole rant on that subject.