Ended goin to Chris' dad's funeral today after all. OMG it was the worst feeling in the world seein Chris and Eddie and their mom hurtin like that. Vince wasn't cryin but of course you can see it in his face. It was so horrible seein them in pain. Sweetest ppl in the world. It's so unfair.

I came with Pris and Al and I've never been to a funeral before so I didn't really know what to do. We went for the viewing and it was open casket. Never seen a dead person before either. It wasn't scary or anythin...I just hoped that he was in peace. And the service was kinda religious cuz the family's Christian so I felt kinda outta place for that too cuz I don't pray or read the bible and stuff like that. Of course Jason was there and Jen, Jay, Immy, and Victor. All these ppl from hs.

I just felt so terrible cuz Chris and her mom were cryin so much and I know they're hurtin so bad and I can't do a thing...except be there but it doesn't seem like doin much at all. It was all very surreal. Watchin Chris while she was givin her eulogy...heart-wrenching. The tears wouldn't stop comin. And I forgot to bring tissues. A tissue box on BOTH sides of the pew, ppl.

Pris had to be somewhere so me, Al, Immy, and Jay went together to the burial. We didn't go to the reception tho. I dunno, we felt it might be kinda weird or awkward...and it might be better for just family. It was good to see Chris tho...it just sucks that it had to be like this instead of next month when she woulda came home from Cali. Jay and Immy too. Seein everybody shoulda been under better circumstances.

Then I went and watched my tape of Tru Calling...death and morgues! Stupid. I cried so many times today. And they're goin thru it 100 times worse. I can't take seein ppl in pain, it just hurts so much. But I know Chris' dad knows that he raised her right cuz she's so much to be proud of. Jase and Chris--you couldn't ask for any 2 kids better than them.

This definitely changed me. It just hits you.