I got stung by a MOTHERFUCKIN WASP!!!

OMG me and Dar went out to lunch on Main St. and we could choose whether to eat out on the patio or inside. Inside - no wind, no sun, no bugs. Except not so much. We got to our table and I saw a yellow and black insect on my side of the tablecloth. I'm like, Dar there's a bee on the tablecloth! He kind of brushed the cloth so the bee just fell off. I'm like, shit where'd it go? He's like, it went on the floor, it's gone. I'm like, OK...but if it bites my ass, I swear! Cuz I was wearin kinda low-rise jeans so I could get bit between where my shirt ended and my jeans started (not my ass-crack, I'm not one of those raunchy girls).

OK, I was wearin flip flops. I KNEW I should've worn runners. I was even debating before we went out whether to wear my sneakers or the flip flops. I'm like, if I wore the runners then I'd hafta put socks on and it's kinda hot out and I can just slip the flip flops on soooo...flip flops. Such a big mistake.

We've ordered so we're just sittin and talkin when all of a sudden I feel somethin under my toes, like somethin buzzin or squirming. It was one of those times when you immediately know somethin's wrong, besides the fact that this thing was alive and moving and touchin me. I was panicky and I instinctively swung my leg out from under the table to see what it was and I guess I kinda pressed down my foot cuz the next thing I knew, I felt a sharp sting. I saw a wasp (I was told it was actually a wasp and not a bee...whatever the fuck the difference is, they should all die) on my flip flop still under my toes. I grabbed the wasp without thinkin and just chucked it out from my flip flop. I think I saw the stinger on my finger or it might've been a leg or somethin, I dunno. I was just in so much pain that that's all I was concentrating on. Holy shit, it hurt so bad. I've been stung before but only once when I was in grade school so I knew I wasn't allergic but I didn't remember it hurtin so much.

I was just in shock to what happened. The wasp was on the floor, writhing around half dead. I know somethin like a bee/wasp dies right after it loses its stinger, but I'm not sure if there was one at all or maybe I just crushed it with my own fingers when I picked it off my shoe. This nice old couple were right next to our table and saw what happened cuz I had abruptly pushed my chair back and yelled "OMG!" and kicked my leg out to the side of the table. They were really sympathetic and the man stomped on the wasp. Haha, thank you. Fuckin thing...damn straight!

The restaurant lady was really nice too and got me ice. I felt so classy sittin with my leg across my lap man-style, holdin a rag full of ice to my bare foot in a place of fine dining. Ugh, but you'd think you wouldn't be attacked indoors! Damn you, Darien...this is why ya don't go out during the day! You stay within the safety of your own home!

So yeah, it hurt like bitch. All my toes got numb that I couldn't tell exactly which toe got stung. Turns out I was icing the wrong one and it was actually 2 toes. They swelled up and got all chubby. Dar gave me an Advil he had on him for the pain. It had to be my drivin foot too! I had to accelerate with my big toe :P

That was a BAD experience. I tried not to let it ruin my day tho. The restaurant was nice! It was a real Italian place, the owner/manager/server woman was Italian too and very nice. We checked out all the lil shops on Main St. as I hobbled around. Then we stopped in Starbucks to chat cuz Dar had shit on his mind, as always. Long story short, we had some deep talk cuz he's one of those introspective, sensitive, intense types. I got to know a whole new side of him that he self-professes to keep from a lot of ppl. Sometimes a person just needs a new/different perspective. I tried to get him to see how I was seein things in his situation. It's like when someone thinks they're a failure or unattractive, or skinny ppl who think they're fat. I hate that. I don't understand it when ppl have this negative view of themselves and I honestly don't know where it's comin from. It's not an unusual thing for me to be convincing ppl to be optimistic/to think better of themselves/to stay/to go for it. Anyway, I think my words got thru cuz he's tryin to change his constant thinking-overanalyzing ways. I told him ppl can surprise you and he's like, you know what? They really can. I'm full of gems! Haha.

I Googled remedies for wasp stings and I read about usin baking soda or vinegar but they said it depended on if it was a wasp or a bee cuz it's base/alkaline/acid science. But I wasn't sure what it was so I didn't wanna use the wrong thing just in case. Plus I was skeptical about a simple home ingredient magically takin the pain away. Then I was just tired of it hurtin so I went and put a water-vinegar mix on my toes. It worked! Why didn't I friggin do it earlier?? Ahhh, less pain and I could bend my toes again. Then I slept on it and the next day, it didn't really hurt anymore and the swelling was gone. But there was still a faint pain, like a dull ache cuz it wasn't 100% yet. At least I could walk normally.

So that was me. This is why I hate insects. I shiver every time I think about that feeling of the fuckin wasp under my toes. If I see one or hear buzzing, I'm tellin you I will run screamin. I don't care if I'm bein neurotic or paranoid about it, I'm not gettin bit or stung again anytime soon if I can help it. No more open-toe footwear for the rest of the decent weather months, not til next yr!