Alright, so yeah...me and Jay had this convo on MSN and some joke he made led to talkin about relationships. I had told him earlier some time ago about how I've never had a bf and I probably never will cuz I want it that way so I thought he probably had a clue about how whatever it was we were doin wasn't goin further than what it was. Guess not. He was askin about it and so I told him and that finally led to me layin it out. I said I knew it was a bad way to say it, but this wasn't gonna become anythin serious and I'm tellin you this cuz I don't want you to be wastin your time if that's what you're lookin for. He was like, oh. AH SHIT!! This is why I don't this!! Then I said, I'm sorry...was that totally brutal? He said no it was fine. God, I hate doin this shit...I felt so bad. I would've told him this face-to-face or at least over the phone but we were already on the subject and this was like 2 am last night. Then again, I guess it was a good thing cuz there would be those inevitable awkward and uncomfortable pauses and you can't see eachother esp if you're puttin on a front. The convo started fun and we were jokin around and he started askin about me comin to the parade thing and I dunno, I got a vibe like we were together and he really expected me to be there and all that. I didn't exactly want to go to that and I don't do mornings either, I'm sorry :P I was bein joke-y and nice about it tho! But I dunno...he was givin me sad faces. And he kept askin! So yeah, at the end he was like, well I am interested in you and I wanted a relationship. Fuuuuuck. All I could say was I'm sorry. Then he had to go and he was like, ttyl? And said good night so I don't think he left all THAT mad or upset. Or I could be wrong.

So that SUCKED. I haven't talked to him yet. I don't even know how I'm supposed to the next time he calls...or if I should call. Normally, I'd be whatever, like talkin how we usually talk. I mean, I'd be non-chalant...not cuz I don't care what happened but I don't want to assume that he'd be so dramatically heartbroken and sad over this. I think that'd be kinda arrogant of me. Like, who am I? He could be totally fine with it and not even care that much for all I know. But then again, if he is kinda upset about it and I'm all, hey what's up, then he'd be like wtf? Argh.

Anyway, talkin to him tonight wasn't even a factor since it was P's bday thing and we ended up goin out after dinner so any bar plans we might've had would hafta be scratched.

It was P's bday so as everyone knows, your bday is the 1 day where you can do what you want, everyone bows down to you and your say reigns supreme. She chose to have Indian for dinner. She knows I don't eat Indian. She knows I probably won't be able to stand Indian. Indian=spicy=I die. Yet Indian is what it was gonna be. But I chose the mildest thing they had and it was actually decent. It's good to try new things I guess...but I don't think I'll ever be goin to have Indian as a choice again, haha.

After dinner, we went to Q's. Some of us played pool, some played foosball. Fish came by and stayed for a bit. Saw Ian there again. Then we went to Timmy's. OMG that 1-2 hrs conversation we had the entire time we were there was mad funny. It was intellectual--talkin about religion and spirituality and Bush, and dirty--talkin about uteruses and BJs and other fun stuff...oh and Shy's a lesbian! Haha. Yup. I kinda knew she was bi but anyway. Crazy. Tonight was some good times...very interesting at the least.