L's cousin died in a car accident early Sat. She was upset about it but she wasn't in sobbin hysterics. She said they weren't tight tight but his family were good ppl. And he was only 26. That really sucks. I felt real bad for her...and her cousin's family. A buncha her relatives were killed in car accidents so it's messed up these things keep happenin. And I hate that I dunno what to say half the time.

They say that the best thing to do is to just be there and listen if they need it so that's pretty much all I can do on my part. Esp since I'm not exactly religious...atheist or agnostic or whatever, actually...and I dunno, like in the movies where ppl try to give answers by talkin about god and stuff, and I dunno about this kinda thing so I can't say anythin like that to comfort somebody. Plus I've never had to deal with death before I've never had anyone close to me die when I was around. All my grandparents died before I was born, except my dad's mom who's still around. OK well, there was my uncle. I was sad about that for a bit. He was awesome. He was my dad's bro and they looked exactly alike except my uncle had more hair, haha. He lived in NY and I watched his kid in that whole month of summer of bein a single teenage mom, haha. I remember hearin Puff Daddy's I'll be Missing You and that made me cry. But I also remember that I kinda felt guilty for not feelin sadder that he was gone maybe? Cuz I think I got over that real quick. Oh man but I felt so so sad for my dad cuz he's the one who had to deal with all the funeral biz. But he didn't seem tripped up about it much either. I guess that's my dad tho.

So anyway, L wanted to get outta the house and to go coffee or somethin but I talked to G and we decided to just go to her place. I listened, got her a coffee, tried to make her feel better. See, that's the other thing...I'm never sure how to be with someone cuz it all depends on the person, right? Like some ppl might wanna just grieve but have other ppl around them or some ppl might wanna go out and try to forget about it for a while. Figured L just wanted to be distracted and cheer up for a bit. She had brought her pix that I didn't have from my bday/New Yr's roll so I could scan them at G's so we were lookin at some good times. Then we were flippin thru all of G's albums and laughed at the memories and how we looked back in the day. I was like, you know what? I've got pix of us doin stuff together since like we were like 15. Esp our bday celebrations cuz we do them in blocks (cuz they're all in Oct, Nov, and Dec) every yr and I vividly remember the whole crew together on my 18th. Like, damn...we've been doin this for so many yrs. L's like, yeah it's good to have friends. And that made us all smile. Then we laughed at the way she said it...yeah it sucks to be a loner, haha. And then we laughed our asses off when L thought G had old nail polish on her toenails when in fact it was her crufty discoloured blood clots or whatever from hikin a couple months ago. "G, you're supposed to take off the old nail polish before you put a new coat on." LOL Me and G paused cuz the 2 of us knew it wasn't nail polish. I was gonna say, it's not even! It's her toenails, hahaha! and G all ashamedly was like, it's not nail polish, it's from hikingggg! LOL

So I think L felt a bit better goin home last night. Yeah you can tell I can't go on about depressin stuff for long. It sometimes starts to give me a lump in my throat and I'd rather not have that :P On that note, I was puttin my pix in my photo album and I forgot I left them in the tv room before I went out. I was like, aw dammit...my mom's gonna nose thru them, I know it. Hope she likes the booze, cigs, and middle fingers LOL Geez, I hope the ones I have in there are clean!