My god, I don't think I have the words to say what I wanna say. I just spent an hr on the phone with Club Guy. I got around to callin him back today and we chatted for a few mins but then he said he'd call me back at midnight. He did, and I was in the shower so I missed him again, haha. I didn't know he was gonna call exactly at 12! :P So he leaves me another msg and I'm about to call him back 10 mins later when he calls again. Wowww LOL Anyway...the convo we had...I'm kinda speechless. The dude's pretty much an open book and yeah, the stuff he said almost blew me away. This kid is so not your average 18 yr old. He is so friggin mature. He just about sold me on the idea of goin with a younger guy LOL Almost! But damn, before I was all yeah never never, I just couldn't do that...and after, I was like you know what? You're right, that's true.

But this guy is SO intense. He'd pretty much be the perfect bf. I told him I wasn't really lookin for anyone right now and I threw in how I was cool with bein friends or hangin out or whatever...but he's all about bein with somebody and devotion and this whole thing with rather goin with someone than bein just their friend. I was like OMG. Most ppl would DIE to be with a person like that! Haha. But I can't be so hardcore like that, it's just not how I am. I'm the chick, I'm 5 yrs older than he is and I'm the one sayin that I just wanna have fun and not be tied down (to use a bad phrase) :P But he left it up to me and said if I wanted to do anythin about it, think about it and give him a call. He even said he doubted I'd call cuz of what I told him.........and he's right, I won't...but I feel kinda bad for some reason. Like damn, we can't even chill if he's ever in town or somethin? There's no middle ground? I dunno.

AGH!!! This is why I don't get into relationship shit!! Haha. Now I remember why I was stayin away from all that, cuz it's just too much...I won't say trouble but, stress. Haha, this is gettin reminiscent. I don't like to create drama when there doesn't need to be and gettin myself into this stuff always brings these extra issues. I hate it. I hate hurtin other ppl's feelings. I hate rejectin these decent and sweet ppl...cuz I care about them. It really sucks tellin them I'm not into them cuz there's absolutely nuthin wrong with them but it's just that I don't feel that way.

And why do I keep havin this problem? I seem to be dealin with havin the wrong ppl bein into me a lot. Wrong as in 'friends only'. Bein friends is not a horrible thing. Should I be insulted that they don't wanna be friends or should I just be flattered that they wanna be more? The only guys who are my friends are already taken or I've known them for YEARS. Again, argh.

Oh and I called Tony :P Left a msg and he called me back. We're seein if I'll get to school after he's done and before my class starts on Thurs. I'm just askin for it, aren't I? It's gonna happen alllll over again and I saw it comin :P